He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
