Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
