As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
