Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you will always have a special place in my vag
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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