is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
