i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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