I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am naked and annoyed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
