very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize