I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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