why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Mom said you looked used
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
