Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When are your genitals available?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
