She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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