Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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