Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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