If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize