Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
