I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
