So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
