He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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