Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
