I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
