Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize