If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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