i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
