Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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