when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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