i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
