Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
