He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
