Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
