There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
