i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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