some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
