today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
