nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
