her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
