Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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