Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
