ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
