Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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