don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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