Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
two words: eviction party
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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