it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize