He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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