I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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