Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am one with the molecules
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
