my phone needs a breathalizer
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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