Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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