wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
