last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was confusing and full of hummus
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
