How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
