i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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