No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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