Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
