Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
