Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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