I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
