My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
