Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
