I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
