Me too!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
