just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
