3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
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