Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
