Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
