I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
