Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
